Sunday Afternoon Broomball - Lake Nokomis
(Evil Petting Zoo, Captain: Ian Gilby)

Weatherline - 612-673-2489 (category #22)

How'd we do?
Jan. 4
Holy Rollers
Although displaying a mid-season injury report (torn knee, bruised ribs, lots of phlegm, another bum knee, nine-month stomach problems, Mexican sunburn, knowing this crowd... probably a pukey hangover, etc.), EPZ started the 2004 league play with an impressive opening day victory. Holding our opponents to perhaps two weak shots, EPZ dominated ball control with their passing and defensive containment. And, hopefully did not develop any new injuries (although this would mean that we don't count heavy breathing and tomorrow morning's sore groins). Good start. Let's keep it rolling!
Jan. 11
Physical English

(from Bic) “Noooooooooooooooooooooooo!!” Yeah, that ref had a bit of a problem making some calls (What’s up with the crease call a full minute after it happened?) Despite a half-asleep (perhaps ADD??) ref, EPZ dominated their opponent, controlling the ball for much of the game. Todd gave us the first goal (his first?) and Ian had a hat-trick (and thus could not write the recap) in leading us to the win. Hatti and Jessi played exceptionally well offensively, sending a barrage of shots towards the goal. Not to be outdone, Pammy and Bic activated their “Wonder Twins” power to help super second-half goalie Todd on defense. Jonny, Bill, and Pat played a solid hustling (and at times huffing and puffing) game on both offense and defense. Bill continued to wow us with his one-arm-bandit moves, and even invented a new backswing defensive move that undoubtedly sent opponents to the store for shin-guards. Pat managed to stay out of the penalty box for a second straight game. With more than one sub next week, we’re bound to continue our ice dominance. These days, the only question that sends fear and anxiety piercing through our veins is: Who’s got next week’s recap?

(more from Bill) I guess Ian set the precedent that if you get a hat-trick you get immunity from writing the recap or from being voted off the team. (At least for one week.) Ahhh, reality tv finally makes it to the broomball world. Although it probably should be a secret ballot, this week I'm voting for Leif to be off the team. Sure, he just had knee surgery, but did anyone else notice that he didn't show up until the game was almost over? Sorry, Leif, GQ style and looks aren't enough to keep you on this squad! (However, we still want you to play with us as soon as you're healthy and we want you to come to every game until then.)

Jan. 18
Draft Picks

(from Ian) Despite frigid temperatures and a fierce wind, EPZ pulled out another impressive 8-1 victory, increasing their record to 3-0. MVP Jessi Nikko got the offense going early, beating a sprawling goalie twice in rapid succession. Despite her skills on the ice, she sheepishly admitted to having "guy problems"*, so apparently broomball doesn't mean everything to young Nikko. C'mon boys, what are you waiting for? Great defense and patented one-arm-bandit moves from Bill added to the lead with a goal and a handful of assists. Pat and Pam teamed up as usual for some body sacrificing defense and solid mid-ice play. Pat drove home a pair of goals amid front-of-the-net scrums, and has now played three games without a single penalty. Craig demonstrated his classic blend of hustle and finesse, gutting out a goal and knocking out an opposing forward's tooth. Steph and Hatti lead several all-out assaults on the opposing net, landing several assists and fighting hard in the corners. Bic hatchet-chopped her way through EPZ's defensive zone, stopping all breakaways that came her way. Todd was a wall in net during the first half, and played solid D in the second. Gilby rounded out EPZ's performance with a couple of goals, the second on a beautiful feed from Jessi. The squad now looks forward to the annual Winter Carnival tournament with confidence.

*Jessi would like it noted that if you are overanalyzing her proclamation of having "guy problems", it was in jest and simply a poke at Ian for proclaiming he has "woman problems" (when he was not able to find girls for the tournament team). Nothing more, nothing less (i.e. nothing to report). Please proceed with your daily business.

Jan. 24 & 25
St. Paul Winter Carnival Tournament

Game 1 (1/24, 6:50 PM) - Well, it wasn't as bad as crapping our pants (or so we all hear... KABOOM!), but we started out of sync and never recovered. Although we were the more athletic team (with the supposed dated name... EPZ - Elvis Presley Zealots?), we were out-positioned (and out rule-booked) and fell to a quick two goal deficit. Craig cut the lead into the lead with a sweet running goal at the end of the first half and gave us what we thought was a momentum change. We were wrong. Our opponents got two quick goals to start the second half. We never recovered and lost 5-1.
Game 2 (1/24, 8:30 PM) - That's more like it. If our all-out hustle, scrambling style of play is ever going to work, it's going to work against a team with one sub. Craig continued his scoring streak with our first two goals. Jon added a third top shelf goal on a blast after finishing off what had to be our longest consistent barrage of shots ever. Ian nailed the coffin shut with two more goals. As usual, the one-armed Billy was all out hustle. Hatti (in both games) led the team in shots on goal and had their keeper sprawling. Super subs Rose and Janice controlled the flow and put on a couple of sweet shots of their own. Bic and Pam were an unbeatable duo (sisters?) on defense. Last, and most important, Todd was un-penetrable (huh?) in goal. Awesome. Keep it going without the "One Night in Bangkok" crew. Can't wait to see you in Chaska!
Game 3 (1/25, 2:50) - (from Ian) Sunday was great. We played a pretty crappy (but at least not shoe-less) team, and dominated from the start. It was really cold, and the ref was pushing us to get eight goals so they could call it a "mercy" game and quit early. That's exactly what happened. Goals by craig, jon, janis and me.
Game 4 (1/25) - (from Ian) That put us in the semis against the sheep. They had a ton of subs, so we were all (quietly, except for rose and janis) worried about being blown out. But, we stepped up, played positions well, and played a great game. We lost 3-1, goal by Craig, who was definitely MVP of the tournament. Kayne was playing goal for them, and made a huge difference, controlling the ball in their end and then passing to a forward when we challenged him. He stopped a lot of solid shots, but I'm glad we didn't have his shot to contend with. Brian scored at least one of their goals, and Jessi got the 3rd. They went on to lose in the final.

Hey, we took 3rd. Not too shabby.

GOTW Tip of the Day: You may want to print this recap out and keep it handy. You never know when you'll need that extra toilet paper substitute. Fax paper, rocks, magazines and cotton balls are a close second.

Jan. 25
Matt's Juicy Lucy's
Feb. 1
The Greg Fries Phenomenon
(from Bic) Holy moly it was messy out there today! With about 2 inches of snow on the ice, EPZ and our opponents had no choice but to spend most of the game sprawling on our bums, backs and knees. Missing five (!) teammates off at baptisms and on another continent, EPZ fielded a team with three subs and only one extra player (for the boys). Messy conditions and new players nothwithstanding, EPZ had a terrific game. Tension was near non-existent as the cartoon-ish spills left most of us in giggles. Our opponent's goofiness and good-naturedness helped a ton. The fact that we had a 7-0 shut-out of them maybe contributed a little also. The goalies were stingy in the first half. We only had one (Ian--What's new?) early on in the half and stellar goalie play by Mr. T in the final minutes helped us keep a 1-0 lead going into the break. The second half was a different story, as EPZ unleashed a flurry of shots and collected six more goals (Ian, Joe, Todd and Jess (on her bum)). And while the weather conditions forced us to play a much slower game (although falling seemed to be quite quick--And let's not forget frequent), we were able to control the ball much of the game with some excellent D ("Get that!" "Move faster!" "Uh-Oh" (From me--Lots)). At one point, Ian was so inspired (by Patter?) that he somehow managed a (goofy) sprawling, fantastic, flying foot-block. Hilarious. What fun!
Feb. 9

(from Ian) Upon arrival, our prospects didn't seem too rosy. Thick snow to hamper our run and gun offense, and the man himself, unmoving at center ice, headphones in place, cigarette in hand. KEN. But, EPZ stepped up and controlled the game from the start. Our fearless females played without subs for the entire game, except for Bic, who committed some intentional penalties so she could rest with Ken.

Gilby had put EPZ ahead 1-0 by half time, and after Pat's pep talk and strategery, we slammed the door with three quick goals. 1st, Craig's hussle around the net crated many chances, one of which Billy converted with a quick flip. Moments later, another flurry resulted in a second Nielsen tally, driven home from the high slot. Pat nailed it shut with some fancy stick handling and a quick shot to make it 4-0. Hatti and Jon were their usual offensive selves along the boards and in the trenches in front of the net. Steph quietly owned the left side of the ice, stopping breakaways and setting up drives. Todd made some incredible sprawling saves to pull us through an end-game slump, and finally, Pam "nice groin" Sukhum decided that enough was enough, and took a stick to the face in the last two minutes to end the game with some drama, not to mention blood.

All in all, EPZ demonstrated a fabulous blend of hussle and restraint, adjusting our game to the conditions and the opponent. The next round awaits....

Feb. 11
Uptown Bar

S.T.F.U. - With Pam's blood still on my jersey (credit both dedication and a lack of laundry detergent), EPZ took to the ice looking to continue their run through the tournament against the team that had beaten in the first round last year. Armed with a solid nine-person squad, the Zooers left it all on the ice but came up short in a one goal defeat. EPZ had numerous early scoring chances (posts), but couldn't get one to fall. The Uptowners capitalized on a meteor shot from 20 feet out and then went into a defensive shell which was highly aided by very slick ice conditions. EPZ made their runs, but again couldn't light the lamp for the equalizer. Good hustle and toughness (through some physicality) by all (as is evident by some of the bruises I found on myself in the shower... anyone want to see? Didn't think so). Breaking it down... Todd kept us alive playing a smart in and out goalie game. Bill (who was obviously the guy to feed) had a lighting shot that kept their goalie sprawling. Hatti dominated her side of the offensive boards. The Schlichtings, as always, were all out hustle and didn't give an inch to any jabbering idiot opponents. Pam and Bic continued their playoff dominance and were unbeatable on defense. And Ian scoured both ends of the rink and as always, was our offensive spark. Good game all... we'll get them next year with our specialized two-goalie formation... B-League Tournament... here we come!

Thanks again for a great season. It may be obvious (because it's such a natural feeling for me), but there's no one I'd rather lose by one with than this gang. EPZ (unless we [finally] change our name) forever!

Feb. 21
Butt Lovers

Partay! - Get your Celebrity on beaaaaatch! Click here for photos.

4955 Nokomis Pky W
Minneapolis, MN, 55417