Sunday Afternoon Broomball - Lake Nokomis
(Evil Petting Zoo, Captain: Ian Gilby)
4955 Nokomis Pky W
Minneapolis, MN, 55417 (Map)
Weatherline - 612-673-2489 (category #22)

Minneapolis Year-End Tournament

How'd we do?
Feb. 7
at Van Cleave Park
(from Leif) The Numerology of Victory

8, 2, 4, 32, 24….

What is the thread that ties these numbers together? Yes, they are all even numbers, and I think there’s at least one cube root in there – but that’s not the point.

8 = goals for EPZ
2 = goals against (and possibly the number of shots taken by our hapless opponents)
4 = goals for Pat “will someone please massage my achin’ groin” Sukhum
32 = fluid ounces in a chalice of ale from Manning’s
24 = solid ounces of “challenge” cow ingested by Todd

Which of these numbers is most significant? A case can be made for each. The 4 goal output from Mr. Groin definitely earns him the game ball, and his re-emergence as a scoring dynamo bodes well for EPZ’s title hopes. However, the 24-spot put on the board by Todd at the post-game meal may just be the inspiration that EPZ needs to return to the promised land of Parade Stadium.

Q: How do you eat an elephant and/or challenge burger?
A: One bite at a time.

Q: How do you win the prestigious 8-8 co-ed broomball championship?
A: One game at a time baby, one game at a time.

Feb 9
Coastal Seafood at Logan Park

(from Ian) Although the weather tempered our trademark speed somewhat, we rallied hard against a confident Coastal Seafood team. Pat put us on the board within the first minute of play with a classic punch from down low. However, a few quick flurries put Coastal ahead 3-1 by half time. We fought back hard in a chippy second half, with a goal by Ian and a second by Pat, but the chowderheads also managed two goals to yield a final score of 5-3. Annoying Seafood chatter from the sidelines got into our heads, and Craig entertained onlookers with some choice words for the ref, earning himself two minutes in the sin bin.

Steph earned MVP honors for her defensive tenacity and willingness to sacrifice life and limb for the Zoo. Also, let's not forget Leif's amazing kick save at the end of the first half, and many others that kept the game close.

Sadly, I have now played my last game as a regular for EPZ. It's impossible to fully express how much fun I've had playing with you guys over the past nine years. I've looked forward each year to January and February, and I can barely stand the thought of missing future seasons. You are a group of talented athletes, generous people and great friends. Thanks so much for everything. I'll miss you all, but promise that I'll be back to play a few games in the years to come.

Regular Season League

How'd we do?
Jan. 2
Meat Apple
Good game [Happy New Year!]! Donning his helmet [goggles] and unduplicated black jersey [silver shirt and flamed pants], Dr. Ian Gilby started his "last hurrah!" season of Minneapolis broomball [Minneapolis New Year's Parties] with a statement. It had been awhile since his last goal [drink], but he was determined to make the most of the situation. Four goals [whisky tonics] later, Ian stood [laid] tall surrounded by his closest friends. Maybe he did it for his son, but Ian continued to step-up with shot after shot [yes, of tequila] and had nothing left come the end [no puke and rally?]. As we've seen a couple times this week, Ian also had some great "support" from his teammates [Raggedy Ann legs?] with some awesome goaltending, sweet D and minimal-sub all-out hustle (where's that Triscuits box when we need it?). Nice playing EPZ! As with everything, let's keep our hopes high [keg stand anyone?] and have a great couple of months. See you on the ice soon.
Jan. 9
Sophomore Sweeps
(from Ian) With the long-awaited return of Jonny "keep Greg's kid occupied during the party so the rest of us can watch the game" Pribila and Jessi "Palm Pilot" Nikko, EPZ hit the ice at full speed, dominating the Sophomore Sweeps from the beginning of the game. Billy "six pounds of gummi bears in a crock pot" Nielsen (a.k.a. the one-armed bandit) drove home a top shelf goal off of a sweet pass from Pat "don't squeeze the baby" Sukhum to start the scoring. Despite being hampered by a pulled groin, Pat "where are my glasses?" was able to capitalize on another "I dropped that scalding hot lid" Nielsen strike, jumping on the rebound and increasing the lead to 2-0. Somewhat frustrated by the amoeba-style defense, our scoring stalled, and after a couple of heroic plays from the opposition, the game was suddenly tied at two. Not to be discouraged, Jessi "seriously, a Palm Pilot?" maintained her cool composure, and set up several scoring chances from the red line. Craig "35-20" and his trademark hustle paid off in the final minute, as he took a pass from Pat "[insert Najeh Davenport joke here]"at mid-ice and took it to the hole for the game winner.
Jan. 23
Frosty Mugs

We started with an average arrival time equal to three minutes before game start and about 75% of the necessary equipment... leaving players racing to all directions of Minneapolis to scoop up their forgotten gear. Oh well. The Frosty Mugs proved to be one of our better opponents this year playing a close game until two late EPZ goals secured the win. Great D, sick goaltending from Leif and four goals from four different EPZers kept the game in our favor throughout. Nice.

(from Ian) Equipment left at home: Jon’s shoes, Bic’s stick, all of Pam’s gear Game 1 highlights: Great passing, strong, organized D, stellar goaltending. Goals by Todd from Ian, Bill on an outside shot, Ian from Bill and Jessi from ? (help me out here…), “Hey stripes, call that!”, Hatti’s aggression in the corners, wind, and the return of Pat’s groin.

Jan. 23
Young Guns

Sure, our walrus of a ref (was it the ball I scooped into his chest?) didn't want to stick around, but EPZ, riding a Willy Wonka grade sugar high had a relaxed, strong victory over the out-of-towner Young Guns and controlled the game throughout (course, they did get the "one more goal?" goal... drats!). Big kudos to Todd who posted his first hat trick. Creme de Menthe for everyone!

(from Ian) Between game snacks: Donuts, cookies, gummi bears, cupcakes, granola bars (what?), pistachios (WHAT?????), cider, hot chocolate. Game 2 highlights: Stomachache, total domination (except for “next goal wins”. Hey, did we lose?), Todd’s hat trick, Pam showing up to play with all her equipment, good humor from the other team, fans that almost made it to rinkside, Leif on offense, and Hatti’s offensive mouth (Hey, I don’t know dick).

Jan. 30
Lots of broomball this weekend. Tired. Good way to end it.

Winter Carnival Tournament

How'd we do?
Jan. 29
8:30 am
Very slippery. Good opponent. Played well. Subs Laura and Anna. Great goaltending. Bruising D from Bic and Steph. Amazing goaltending from Leif
Jan. 29
11:20 am
Parkside Liquor
Still slippery. Great first half (1-1). Scrappy goal by Craig. Broken stick/spear for Todd. Slipped away in the end
Jan. 29
1:00 pm
Old School
Good ending to the day. Strong EPZ win. Hatti was unstoppable. Laser goals by Ian and Bill
Jan. 30
9:00 am
Unknown to us, but the best opponent in our pool. Tough D. Good goaltending. Limited shots taken