Wednesday Evening Softball - Roseville Park & Rec.
(Hoggsbreath Seeds, Captain: Craig Schlichting)

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How'd we do?
May 2
C.P. Lex. SW
The Foleys

(from Craig) Arriving at the field over 1/2 hour early, I was shocked to see Rainbow already prowling through the lot. Game time was delayed due to a high school softball match, but it gave us time as a team to reflect on the past year. Yeah right, let's play some ball already. After they cleared the cameras and screaming youngens, we sprung into action wearing our new lids. We looked good, and we played a pretty sound game. The hitting was pretty solid, and we managed to put some runs together (with the help of a few errors). Despite our best efforts and some coaching maneuvers, we came up just short in game one (score them +1). Game 2 was more defensive as both teams were held to under 10 runs. That is until the bottom of the sixth when the ball seemed to find holes and the Seeds batted until time expired (12-6). A few sideline stories... Dan's catch behind the back, Keith having a laser beam shot at him (and his double play ball to Grant), Deibert talking smack, and our nice but overly concerned about the balls umpire. This was great hitting team that we played and splitting with them was a good outcome for the early season. See you boys next week.

May 9
Veteran's VFW
Menacing Midgets

(from Jeff) A new field and a new team... same results. We went 1-1. The fences were 290+ so no homers were hit by us. We also had an overzealous ump. How often does that happen? From the outfield, every guy on the other team looked like they were 6'4" and 250 pounds but no intimidation factor here. We beat them handily the first game and then lost the other game by one run. The play of the night was Sukhum diving for a catch that was right next to my feet in right field. The amazing thing is he said "I got it" before he started running. How would someone know that when there diving backwards and sprinting 200 feet? And yes, I got a triple. It's starting to become folklore amongst the Hoggsbreath seeds that it would've been a homer on the shorter fenced fields. Is there anyway we can find out? Here are a few questions you can ponder until next week...

May 16
C.P. Lex. SW

Well, it wasn't a good sign when the ump showed up 10 minutes late. Turns out, it wasn't a good sign when the ump showed up at all. Granted, he's probably just an old fellow a bit beyond his umping prime, but he didn't have the skills (just ask Dar when he got shoved out of the way by the ump... like Dar has any right to actually be ON THE FIELD!). He completely changed the pace with his long, pensive pauses. Unfortunately, that did not lead to to improved calls (or really, any calls at all). Every close call was random (even some of the rules were random). Oh well. We won both. Had a nice comeback to win the first one (even though we only scored 8 runs). A larger win in game two (although, we probably could have played another inning if both squads weren't basically ready to quit - see frustrating ump above). Big MVP props go to our super-sub Salty who slapped the ball all over the park and went lumberjacking for a couple a pop flies. Nice!

May 23
Veteran's VFW

.(from "One Pound Burger" Dar) First and foremost thanks must be given to Mrs. Stephanie Schlichting for providing a mitt for the absent minded pitcher, who by the way, provided yet another no-walk performance. The Hoggers played very well, with a 10-run victory in game 1 and nearly duplicating that feat in game 2. Hats off to the outfielders who had to cover a large area due to the 292 foot fence. Other noteworthy performances included a 317 foot HR off the townhome door by Caven; Keith "stretching" for two questionable calls at 1st base; Johnny making an amazing snow cone catch at the plate and making a late tag; and Dan who may have been 5 for 7 and could very well be leading the team in batting average. Post-game interviews with Suks were rather puzzling as he wanted to change some sporting rules. These involved allowing a basketball team to remove the center in the final two minutes and mandating that baseball games be played to 10 runs regardless of innings or time. Or was it pulling the catcher when the count was full and forcing basketball games to be played to 100? Other questions to ponder included: Which restaurant food could you eat for the rest of your life? and is Dan still married? See you all next week. Remember it will be Jeans night followed by wine at the Hogger.

May 30
C.P. Vic. 4
Park Liquor

Well, the evening showers left things a bit mushy (it's probably an ominous start when you can't even find the pitching rubber within a mid-infield puddle of water) as we entered a definite tale of two games. Bats were hot and defense was tight (especially the Johns and Dan in the infield) in game one. We won that game pretty easily (even though we let them get close in their last at bat). Second game was one of our worst (we scored a total of three runs... with only one run scored until our last at bat). After Caven's first inning hit, we went 12 batters without another hit. We just never caught our rhythm (even with Jeff's late game hyper-antics). Hopefully a bit more consistent next week.

Jun 6
C.P. Vic. 4
Old Chicago

Cripes! We came out and destroyed our opponents in game one (29-3). It was such a blowout that the game ended with us stopping batting in the middle of our at bat and then playing something like nine-straight flip-flop outs in the field. What? No matter though. We'll destroy them in game two, right? Nope. Makeshift defensive positions early on set a lax tone as we barely squeaked out a bottom of the seventh inning, two runs down, comeback win (Caven hit a two-run tying double. Lee had the game winning single). Typical. Although it was a bit of a ridiculous night at the park, conversation at the Hogger was basically on par... who's going to get some, medical apartuses being stuck in body parts where stuff typically only exit, who's subsidizing whose ribs and beer. The regular stuff.

Jun 13
C.P. Vic. 4
Goodmanson Construction

(from Dan) I guess this Jeckle and Hyde type of gamers that the Hoggsbreath/Pioneer/Seeds 2000/Joe Sensors has become is almost routine now. Bust out the big sticks and then crawl into a shell by the time game 2 starts. We handled them quite easily by ten running them in game 1 and then were shutout in game 2? Can this be possible? Dan even decided to go with Craig's leotard pants to spice things up. We even had about 8 fans at the game to watch our misery. Maybe Johnny C. needs to go back to becoming our designated gatorade cooler man or has anyone seen Jugsy in a while? Face it boys, we need to be eating a big plate of spaghetti before the second game to keep the fire burning. Oh by the way, I had my softball pants in my bag the whole time. Discovered this gem upon returning home. Come on' - black pants, black bottom of my bag. It'll probably happen again. Rest up next week, we go hard for the summer playoff run!

Jun 27
C.P. Vic. 6
No Names

Craig, if hearing that we didn't win our first round match is going to ruin your vacation... please don't read on...

Dar pitches five shutout innings in game one and we lose (8-14). Giving-up eight runs in the first inning didn't help (granted, we barely started with nine players). We also saw why we never play on Victoria Field #6... the infield is a slab of concrete. We just weren't quite there. A few mental mistakes, a bit of hobbling, dead bats at times, and a lot of unpredictable balls that got through our gloves. We did rally for 15 runs in our last two at bats to get a comeback win (20-18) in game two, but couldn't make-up the run differential to win the match. Big kudos to subs Jason V. and Vad. By the way, the last time Vad played was the summer of 2004. Still seems like he was the quickest guy with the sweetest stroke and strongest arm. What gives?

Jul 11
C.P. Lex. NW
Drassal Chiropractic

(from Dan) Humidity is gone, week off, restful bats. It's time for an offensive eruption, right? Right! The bats come out blazing, at least 5 of the Hoggerites have 4 hits in the first game. Which by some reason started 20 minutes late due to red getting some ass across town. Nice victory in game 1. Game 2 we were beat down by the human bun-gee cord Jeff, Keith getting very dirty twice in the span of 5 minutes, and the most patient team ever. Johnny C did his all to toss them in there, but this team would not swing the bat. Oh wait, yes they would and they really liked to line them over our heads. We lost game 2 by 7 and thus were defeated in the continuation of the strange playoff format. Now onto the highlights!
Caven made probably the best defensive play of the year from short and threw the speedy devil out from his knees, if this was basketball it would have been a 3 point play, because it was still all in one continuation. Keith made the quickest bang bang line out at first dive and tag the bag with your glove I have ever seen. Johnny C with 3 strike em outs- ----looking! R U serious? Hey, we're in D- league. Swing.
A few questionable calls, Red must have still had his system backed up, Lee tossed out at 2 on a play that was closer than he realizes, a few that we should have had as well. To quote a teammate "Red calls every close play the opposite of what actually happened" Something about blubber or whale meat was brought up, the Twins of GI JOE in the outfield was fun, I think I saw Mario or Lugio on the field as well.
6 pack tonight at the Hogger. The dedicated, Craig, Lee, Dan, Pat, Grant, and Diebert made the rounds. With the secret $6 it was destined to be a cheap night. The usual topics, Iraq, Gas Prices, (Did you know that Lee makes $10 every 6 minutes at work) He may drive 56 miles one way, but who cares, right?) The questions that remain for the night: Will Christine (Waitress) ever quit and satisfy her husband, will Grant do the right thing and Fire that piece o' shite at work who runs over the Ford Taurus and forgets to put oil in Grant's company car. And will we ever go see what the hell Brady's next door is?
I will leave you with a few more juicy nuggets. #1 The Hogger is getting new menus. #2 Pat stole a menu inside of Craig's pants and snuck them both out the front door. #3 Dan beat Grant -9 to -4 at Golden Tee tonight. See you next week. All red caps, no white T-shirts.

Jul 18
C.P. Lex. NW
Aurello's Pizza

(from Danny) The new standard is that our team shows up before the Umpire. For the 2nd week in a row, even Dirty Dar beat Red to the field. This was a moment that most of us have been dreaming about for our whole lives. The chance to take 7th place in the upper division by run differentials. And we did it.
Won the first big and lost the second. Generally a kind of ho hum performance from the squad. Not a lot to play for, but a chance to have 2 hours of playtime before the dormancy of the offseason (5 weeks) takes place. Myself, threatening to hit 0.500 for the first time in my career, really jinked myself and took an 0 for 6. Thanks Karma. Shifted some things up tonight, apparantly my pseudo ban that was lifted was lifted for real by the Cap'n and I even threw a few innings. Nice home run for an out by Dar, are those still ****counted? Caven had more sweat on him than Roger Ebert, and Diebert had 2 nice traps in the OF. Keep working on the showmanship kid, you'll get it.
Full squad at the Hogger with 11, sans Jeffy, who might have been drinking pink lemonade at home with his family. Good fun and fun with an exciting Twins game as well. In the end, some good Golden Tee scores by Dar and Grant, not me. A couple of extra pitchers ordered for good health and the prospect of another solid season of winning softball completed and no serious injuiries. Keith, come on, it's been like 2 years since you've been maimed? Where is the effort? See you for fall ball, where Craig's bat comes alive, someone is destined to pull a hammy, and we get to play under the lights...