"I Have GREAT Tits!"

Comment from Kirk (and then more comments from Bic) below...

April 16, 2003

(Taking Bill's suggestion to not use "gimmickry" or "tease and tantalize" to heart….)

Often, when we hear women talking about their bodies, it's about how they don't like it. Usually, it's "I'm too fat," "My legs are too big," "I need to lose my butt," or "Gotta get rid of these flabby arms." Of course, this observation is neither new nor surprising. Magazines, television, newspapers -- popular culture -- inundate us with messages that tell us "beautiful" women should look a certain way. When it comes to women's bodies, the general rule is: Thin is great and less is better.

Recently, in various conversations with different groups of female friends, I have had the pleasure of witnessing a new trend-where women are making declarations about loving their body parts. In particular, we've been talking a lot lately about breasts. Yes, in colloquial usage, you may also know them as "boobs" or 'tits." Might sound weird, but my gal pals think their breasts are absolutely fabulous.

For you men out there, this is nothing new. We all know you love breasts. Big or small, you think they're awesome. Unless they're non-existent, chances are they're at the top of your "Favorite Female Body Parts" list. But really, can anyone truly take your word for it? How do we know you've seen enough or have enough experience with female breasts to know any better? Well, breathe easy. What I'm trying to say here is that we women (well, at least many of my friends) agree. We think our breasts are great too!

And apparently, we can't seem to stop talking about them. We've had discussions about pregnancy breasts, breast jealousy syndrome, breasts that are immune to sagging, among others. A few weeks ago, breasts were the topic of a conversation that took place during a brunch outing. Other patrons stared for some reason. Perhaps the breast shaking along with the loud breast-talk was too "alternative" for them. On another occasion, two of my girl friends had a little too much to drink and started feeling each other's breasts for comparison. At a recent party, a friend grabbed another friend's breasts to make a point during a breast discussion. Yet on another occasion, one of my girl friends emphatically declared "I have GREAT tits!" Whether big, medium, or small, my friends love their breasts. They assert that the size is perfect, the shape is just right, they look terrific, and they're just plain beautiful.

But what's more, breasts are great because they seem to allow some women to love at least one part of their bodies. Breasts defy rules of beauty that tell us smaller is better. Heck, according to many, when it comes to breasts, the bigger the better. While I don't deny that this perspective may become problematic (Hello, implants!), I also think that for many women - with small or large breasts - breasts are a source of esteem. There isn't too much to complain about, really. Occasionally they swell and shrink. Bras are necessary. But for the most part, they're fabulous without much fuss.

And yes, I have really nice breasts.

April 21, 2003

As a personal favor to Bic and all of her friends (or anyone reading this), I offer my assistance in verifying how great their breasts are. My qualifications are quite extensive and I can provide references if needed. I too am a HUGE fan of breasts. Matter of fact, just reading the article gave me a three-quarter chub. All that talk about grabbing each other's "tits" and whatnot is part of every man's fantasy and provides a nice visual.

So, to make things not so weird, please send me photos of your breasts and the breasts of your friends (preferably women). I'll need a full body shot and then a side shot of the waist on up. I may need to do a follow-up feel to verify my findings, but that can be worked out later.

Just to give you an idea of where I stand on the size thing - I believe a woman's breasts should be at least proportional to her ass. Obviously, if her boobs are bigger than her ass the rating goes up. Conversely, if the boobs are smaller than the ass, the ratings go down. Also, the perkier they are the better. Now I realize that breasts with any kind of size to them are going to sag, so that is taken into account. But if you have itty-bitty-titties and they point south, that is not as desirable.

I applaud the new thought process that you and your friends have adopted. Hopefully, this will catch on.

I hope you find my offer generous and my intentions purely innocent. I'm what many call a "giver".

I'll await your response.



April 24, 2003


You are indeed a "giver." Does your generosity (not to mention your gutter mind) know no bounds? You might want to consider establishing a non-profit organization to better channel your vast resources. I am certain that the philanthropy field is in need of a "giver" such as yourself.

Unfortunately, Planet Bic will have to decline your kind offer to ogle at and feel up my and my friends' breasts. It would just go against the whole thesis that women do not need men or others to tell them that our breasts are great - We already know they're fabulous. If it didn't make Planet Bic look hypocritical, my friends and I would happily undress for you. Darn.

However, I must admit that talk with GOTW about torso photos have begun. We'll see if they pan out. Stay tuned.

In the meantime, to quench your desire to see breasts, just envision the most marvelous and awe-inspiring thing in this world - our breasts are at least ten times that wonderful.

Thanks for your patronage. I'll be interested in what you think about the next issue....


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